[NSFW] Porn Isn’t Reality: I Want My Ass Kissed, Not Pounded

Originally published by Ladybud Magazine

I once had a boyfriend who was obsessed with my asshole. He wanted to stick fingers, foreign objects and of course, his dick, in it. Now while some women love anal sex, and for a variety of reasons I don’t need to get into, I have never had an interest and have always been confident enough in my disinterest to politely decline anything going in my ass. I have an incredible vagina with a clitoris that has more than 8,000 nerve endings in it — far more than in a penis, so why waste time shoving things up my ass?

“I once had a boyfriend who was obsessed with my asshole.”

He was persistent to the point that when he was going down on me, he would try to slip a finger in my asshole. I would push him up and pull his hair so we were looking each other in the eyes. “EXIT ONLY!” I would shout before pushing him off me completely, putting my pants back on and getting out of bed.

This total disregard for my preferences was the biggest turn off imaginable. He was attempting to shove fingers in my ass not primarily for my pleasure, but because some part of him thought once he slipped them in there, I would realize I did in fact love my asshole being stuffed and beg him to stick his dick in it. Just because I like to have my ass kissed, or even spanked, doesn’t mean I want it pounded.

He also watched a lot of porn, and I mean a LOT. He, like all refined losers, had a smug sense of self and no job. He spent many of his days with one hand on a laptop track pad and the other in his pants. One day I implored him to let me watch what he was watching and what I saw appalled me, so many dumb girls getting every hole of their body filled at once—and writhing in pleasure as if being sprayed in the face with hot splooge was actually making them cum.

While some women probably do writhe in pleasure when being penetrated from all holes and bukkake’d, this is the exception, not the rule.

Now, I don’t need to tell you this relationship didn’t go much further, but there is a compelling point in all this which must be discussed in depth—our puritanical roots have created such a culture of shame and repression around sex, that our youth are forced to seek out sexual education in all the wrong places.

I for one, being raised a Catholic schoolgirl, never spoke about sex aloud and it surely was not discussed in school until the ripe age of 16 (after I had lost my virginity and before I knew what a condom was) when the biology of procreation was described as an egg being fertilized without any mention of how the fertilizer gets to the egg in the first place. We were then forced to watch a full-frontal live birth in all its bloody glory. No sex before marriage, no discussions of birth control. Entirely clinical, completely dishonest. No mention that sex can actually be fun or acknowledgement that it would exist outside the confines of a pure and antiseptic marriage for any other purpose than procreation.

In the digital age, men and women raised without proper open sexual discussion and education turn to internet pornography, where thanks to the magic of the World Wide Web and pervs everywhere, you can watch the most explicit and bizarre pornography, mostly free of charge. Women dressed up like little girls and being fucked by daddies and uncles, the mailman bending a lonely horny housewife over and delivering a package up her ass, sex slaves violently abused or women being ravaged in all orifices by a hairy, overweight plumber.

Need I tell you these are also exceptions, not rules, and not representations of actual healthy, consensual sex? It seems common sense, unfortunately thanks to the conservative right and abstinence-only education, this is how young people learn about sex. Pornography was never meant to educate, it was meant to entertain—adults, adults who like to fantasize.

“Pornography was never meant to educate, it was meant to entertain—adults, adults who like to fantasize.”

Noted feminist Caitlin Moran ponders this sexual phenomenon in How To Be a Woman. Her argument is, although there is nothing inherently wrong with pornography and it is essentially a healthy human sexual outlet, we must begin making more porn, better porn, porn where women cum.

“But when [young men] do come of an age where they want to start viewing sexual imagery, I want [them] to have a chance of finding some, for the want of a better word, free-range porn out there. Something that shows sex as something that two people do together, rather than a thing that just happens to a woman when she has to make rent. Something in which—to put it simply—everyone cums.  …universal hoggins.”

Moran’s argument is a compelling one, and one that accepts the current state of sexual education is not subject to change.

A friend of mine garnered his sex education entirely from porn at a very young age. When he lost his virginity he went straight to the poor girl’s asshole and embarrassed them both when it came out covered in fecal matter. See?! A proper education would have at least explained to them both to avoid the asshole until doing what men in the gay community refer to as a “power shower,’ an enema to clean out the colon and prepare it to be ravaged.

I discovered another boyfriend’s porn stash and he invited me to watch it with him. In this one, a naughty schoolgirl has to turn her D into an A and gets taught how by her older, silver fox of a professor. While it was titillating, it was a massive turn off when this unoriginal fool flipped me over into the exact same ruler-smacking position and started repeating the words verbatim from the movie.

None of this would have been so bad if these men had paid attention at all tome, the person they were actually having sex with. Women: you are more than just a hot wet hole to be fucked, you have feelings, you too can have pleasurable, enjoyable sex. Be honest, tell your partner when he does something you don’t like, educate each other, read each other’s reactions to what you are doing to each other. You are people, not porn stars and this is real life, not fantasy. If you don’t respect yourself enough to only do what is comfortable and pleasurable for you, you are just going to end up with a sore asshole and a bad attitude.

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